he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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