I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
