The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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