I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
