I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I believe in your delicious
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
