My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
