i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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