..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
