its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
