Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i out mim tonsoeep
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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