Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
