I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
