Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize