how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Randomize
