What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
