trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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