I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
