Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
