i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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