Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
