My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
