Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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