babies were throwing up all over the place
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
