The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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