Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We're too hungover to prance.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
