I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
