Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
