Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
