she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We left the knife in your bed.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
