I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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