Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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