he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
