i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
