Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
