bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
