i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
They should really pass out barf bags in church
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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