Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
