Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I smell stomach acid.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
