Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
