How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
