i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
