It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Every concussion has its silver lining
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
