She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
