What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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