So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
