Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize