NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
