Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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