The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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