I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
