question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize