3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
