can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize