I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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