Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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