YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
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