I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
