Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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