Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
