u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize