I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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