i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
