I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She bit a glass in half.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
