when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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