I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
