I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
