Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
BRING THE BAGELS
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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