id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
