Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
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